It is something to have wept as we have wept,
and something to have done as we have done.
it is something to have watched while all have slept
and seen the stars which never see the sun
It is something to have smelt the mystic rose
although it break and leave the thorny rod
it is something that we hunger now as those
must hunger who have ate the bread of gods.

lo and blessed are our ears that they have heard.
lo and blessed are our eyes that they have seen.
let thunder break on human, beast, and bird.
and lightning. It is something to have been.
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton.

I have rested with this poem, walked with it, for years now. I don't know if this is the right time, but here, take it. It's yours. I am going to Honduras, and I can only hope that when I come back, everything will have changed, all over again.

love,
alex

o come o come Emmanuel
and with your captive children dwell
give hope to all exiles here
and in the shattered heart bring cheer
rejoice, rejoice, emmanuel
shall come within as hope to dwell.*

Why don't we believe in this?
Why don't we? After two thousand - five thousand - years of endless war, of son turned against father, brother against sister, soul against soul, why don't we believe it? Something will have to save us. Something has to come from us, of us, something that is not anything the world has seen before. Something has to come and offer a bridge between where we are and what we could be. Blind faith, maybe not, but yes, world, blind me with hope. Fill up my cynicism into belief.

if some of the story is true then two thousand and four (two thousand and thirty-four? Two thousand four and three months?) a woman labored a baby into this world.

if some of the story is true because babies are born, because corn grows, because the sun rises. Because every day what will save us is born. Because right now there is a chance - just a chance - that we will all live, free, and in peace.

love,
alex

---
*well, this is how my church sings it. Contents may vary.

Just a note:

The more time I spend actively employed in the raising of children, the more I feel that that is the real world, and everything else is some brand of farce.

love,
alex

1) Saturday, an apparent format conflict wiped my 3.5 floppy and destroyed my only copy of a 5-page research paper due today
2) Showed up at my algebra final this morning only to discover that said final was last Friday
3) Jumping jehosephat, is it ever cold.

On the other hand.

1.1) I summoned up some sort of incredible academic fanaticism (and backup copies of my notes, if not my paper) and got the damn thing in on time, at 11 pages with diagrams.
1.2) The wealth of human kindness surrounding my computer mishap was incredible. Now, no one who tried to help actually knew anything about computers, but they sure tried.
2.1) The secretary at the math department called my professor at home and made him get in touch with me. He's going to let me make up the exam.
3.1) Snow is pretty.

love
alex

The first snow, two nights ago, at one thirty in the morning. I heard the commotion in the halls, thought I know that sound, and threw on my sweater over my pajamas. It was really cold outside for the first time this season, and the snow was more like a flurry, but it kept snowing, and kept snowing, and this morning in lieu of church I went for a walk in the unchanging dawn light of snow on the ground.

love,
alex

Argh. I saw him today, another boy who was my friend all last year. This was the kayaker, the crazy inarticulate one who I hadn't realized till today I missed badly. We had a brief, awkward moment on the quad and then he went to sit down with some other people, leaving me to my roommate and her friends. Every time I looked towards him he was looking at me.

Anyway, I miss the kid.

love,
alex

Oh my god, you guys have got to read the Waxman Report. At 28 pages, it's shorter than this week's New Yorker, and it's chock full of hilarity. A representative sample:

"One book in the “Choosing the Best” series presents a story about a knight who saves a princess from a dragon. The next time the dragon arrives, the princess advises the knight to kill the dragon with a noose, and the following time with poison, both of which work but leave the knight feeling “ashamed.” The knight eventually decides to marry a village maiden, but did so “only after making sure she knew nothing about nooses or poison.” The curriculum concludes: Moral of the story: Occasional suggestions and assistance may be alright,but too much of it will lessen a man’s confidence or even turn him away from his princess."

Sorry, gentlemen. Between dealing with spiders by my own damn self and this whole... you know... college thing, I guess I'm not your princess after all.

love,
alex

Wrote a six-page paper in three hours, scored a 95% on a math test that everyone else failed. Now, by the time the professor got to me, he didn't care that I'd slipped a few extra zeros in every problem, but still. Maybe this college thing is an okay idea?

love,
alex

p.s. Blogger: Why have you eaten my last entry? But in response to all the mango-relish-and-bean fans, here's what I do: I buy a jar of Patak's Mango Relish, I buy a can of beans, I mush the two together, and then I eat. I've just graduated from Medium to Extra Spicy. I know this recipe is sadly bereft of peeling, coring, cooking, other vegetables, and dancing to the mango gods under the full moon. However, it has kept me alive so far.

love again,
alex